February went quick even though it was a leap year. This chapter ends on a good note. I’ve lost 14 pounds since I’ve started zepbound and I’m finally feeling like my happy self. I went through some stuff at the end of 2023, but I’ve finally was able to put that pain and anger I had behind me. It took awhile but I was able to get through it with awesome people and a great support system. So here’s to March (my birthday month) moving on to bigger and better things.
I think I have to just stop dating all together and accept that I am going to have to be ok with being alone. Yet again I’ve been told “you’re an awesome person but I am going in another direction.” Whoever is doing voodoo on ly love life I get it please stop. I just want the sense of secruity. Is it wrong to still want a family for myself and daughter. I really just want to sit in the corner and cry because I really don’t want to be alone. I hate being alone. But someone somewhere is doing voodoo over me and trying to keep me alone. Shakespeare once said, ” Expectation is the root of all heartache.” Once again I am doing everything wrong, well at least I am being consistent.
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The person I used to be can never come back, and I won’t let her. I was naïve and I let her emotions dictate my life. I was explosive and reckless. And did the best I could though, and I’ll forever respect myself for that. But this new person that I have become, came at a price that there is no refunds for. Unimaginable loss. Tragedy. Pain. The lessons that I had to learn burned the old me alive. With no guidance or survival guide the only thing that was left to do was transform. It feels like a whole lifetime has passed, a whole different time and place. It has been difficult but I have learned from it. I have learned that good people can change in a minute when their hearts have been broken. I have met some great people and mean people as well. But the one important thing I have learned is that every single person in this world are strong enough to let go. People are going to come and go as they please and that’s a part of life.
I’m not perfect nor do I try to be. I have insecurities, I get jealous, I over-think everything, I have trust issues, and some days (all the time) I don’t think I’m good enough. But that is who I am and I am not afraid to admit it, but you know what, I’m amazing in very many ways as well. I have a huge heart with lots of scars, and a soul that has been through hell and back. Not everyday I am my best, I also have some days where I mess up and I make mistakes, but I learn from them. I want to grow and be the best version of myself. I am a work in progress and some day I’ll make someone proud to call me their’s.
I have the tendency to confuse people. I have a happy personality, but a sad soul. I can be bold but I am shy at times. I love hard, but at times I feel heartless. I love being around people, but I’d rather be alone at home. I’m healing and hurting at the same time. But I am dedicated to growth, but I know self sabotage all too well. I’m still trying to find peace and balance after a life time of chaos that I have been in.
The most important thing that I deserve and that is someone that will never, I mean never, give up on me.
Melissa Tomaziefski 