Tag: self-worth

Entering Into a New Season

May 21st, 2024

Can you believe we are just about half way through 2024? I can’t believe how fast this year is flying by. It only feels like yesterday that it was January. Let’s recap so far of my year:

Started the year with a new goal in mind with my weightloss. Also had got a couple of self-help books to help with my self-worth and confidence. With the relationships I have been in, I really needed to work on myself and my mental health. I am a huge advocate about mental health but was really hard on myself to talk to someone myself because I was afraid of really finding out the truth about why I do, the things that I do.

Over the last 4 months I started a weightloss program and started the Zepbound injections, well I am down 35 pounds and 6 inches off my waist. I am extremely proud of myself. Most of my issues stem from my weight and always getting called fat then I really started to believe especially when it was coming from someone who I thought really loved me, my ex-husband. I did recently start getting counseling and I have been dealing with “Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), or body dysmorphia.” I have always been hard on myself especially when it came it my weight. It’s genetic as well. My grandmother on my dad’s side of the family was heavy so was one of my dad’s brother and one of his sisters. Which all three of them have passed. I also have PCOS, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. It is a hormonal disorder that can cause fertility issues and weight gain. Which also makes me high risk for stroke, diabeties, and heart issues. But I am super happy so far with my weightloss journey to get healthy.

My mental health is finally starting to get somewhere and to finally narrow down some of my issues. Like resulting to food for comfort, well I can’t do that anymore. Of course I may have started a new problem….Shopping lol. A lot of things come from my past dating history and the relationship that I have with my own father. In the long haul building a new and improved me will be better for my overall health and hopefully create/build a healthy relationship with not only my daughter but with someone that will be happy to give me their heart and give my heart in return.

So here’s to the next half of the year, getting to my goal weight, and here is to being the best version of me that I could ever be.
Goodbye April, Hello May

May 6th, 2024

Wow 5 months into 2024 already it is going by fast. Well, let’s play catch up: so follow up on my weight loss I am now down 31 pounds which is freaking awesome. Still trying to maneuver through my love life. I am still insisting on not wanting a relationship and I am thinking I am getting to my root cause. It has been a long time since I could say that I love myself. I don’t mean that in a conceited way, but the saying goes “if you can’t love yourself, you can’t love another.” My mother reminded me of that when my daughter asked me the question, “Mom, do you love yourself?” I answered quickly and said “No” because I wanted her to know that I wasn’t self-absorbed, not really getting the question at hand. And that would be when my mother responded with, “if you can’t love yourself, you will never be able to love another.” Yeah, my brain was so far in left field. But with that it has prompted me to actually seek some actual help. After my last relationship being told one thing like, “I’m different and not like others.” And then goes and proves to me that he is like most and goes off and cheats without any communication and then blaming me like I’m the issue. So yeah, the relationships I’ve been in are probably where most of my problems lie. So, it is still 2024 and with it being 5 months in I have time to work on me, because I am a huge work in progress.
Every end of one chapter is the beginning of another.

March 1st, 2024

February went quick even though it was a leap year. This chapter ends on a good note. I’ve lost 14 pounds since I’ve started zepbound and I’m finally feeling like my happy self. I went through some stuff at the end of 2023, but I’ve finally was able to put that pain and anger I had behind me. It took awhile but I was able to get through it with awesome people and a great support system. So here’s to March (my birthday month) moving on to bigger and better things.

Image courtesy of: https://pin.it/6qXB0kLyB
Disappointed but not Surprised

February 4th, 2024

I think I have to just stop dating all together and accept that I am going to have to be ok with being alone. Yet again I’ve been told “you’re an awesome person but I am going in another direction.” Whoever is doing voodoo on ly love life I get it please stop. I just want the sense of secruity. Is it wrong to still want a family for myself and daughter. I really just want to sit in the corner and cry because I really don’t want to be alone. I hate being alone. But someone somewhere is doing voodoo over me and trying to keep me alone. Shakespeare once said, ” Expectation is the root of all heartache.” Once again I am doing everything wrong, well at least I am being consistent.
Overthinking

January 3rd, 2024

I tend to overthink a lot…and I mean a lot. I wish I could be one of those people who are confident and that can walk up and talk to anyone and I mean anyone. You have to understand that once you get to know me and see how I actually am. It’s not a bad thing It is just hard to let anyone get to know me because I have been hurt a ton. I hold on to very few friends. I have been through things that not even my best friend knows about. I have such a hard time trusting people. I question everything little thing people say and overthink about everything to a maximum. I have so many walls up. I am drowning myself by overthinking everything. I know what the real world is like. I analyze everything to avoid getting hurt. But I know my worth and I am one worth keeping.

Tag: self-worth

Entering Into a New Season

Goodbye April, Hello May

Every end of one chapter is the beginning of another.

Disappointed but not Surprised

Overthinking